No one can make you feel inferior without your consent
– Eleanor Roosevelt
This happens to me a lot. Someone who has just met me or barely knows me, passing judgement on my character with one simple statement. It’s one of the biggest things I’m sensitive to, as it has happened to me my entire life.
Daniel and I were looking at new cars on the weekend and we were sitting in the office with a lady who was sorting out finances for us. This lady had just met me that day. Throughout the conversation the lady was getting loud, laughing and joking around. Clearly a loud, talkative person. At one point I didn’t laugh that much at one of her jokes, she turned to Daniel and said “Vanessa is too quiet!!”. It stung for a bit. I sat there trying to process what she’d said and why it came out of her mouth. For once I didn’t let it get to me though, because I’ve finally realised why people do it.
In every single occasion I can remember of someone blurting out something that puts me down, makes me feel less, makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me… it’s on them. It’s all about how that person feels about them self in that situation. It comes from the insecurities they have, as well as if if they’re feeling uncomfortable or unsure. They will take whatever they’re feeling and throw it all on you so that they feel better. Insensitive people put others down to pick themselves up.
Loud, confident people struggle with quiet ones. They’re so used to sharing what they’re thinking and feeling out loud, so when a quiet person is in front of them, they don’t know what to do. They don’t know what that quiet person is thinking and it makes them feel uncomfortable. So what do they do? Call them out for it. “You’re too quiet!”, “speak up!”, “why are you so quiet??”, “do you even talk?”, “you look nervous”, “you’re so shy”. I can’t stand these statements more than anything. So insensitive, so rude, so unnecessary and they don’t even realise it. I have experienced them so many times over the years, and I even see people go through it on reality tv as well. It sucks. Why should people of this nature have their character constantly picked to pieces by those with a louder voice?
I think digs about weight can be brought into this topic as well. Watching the latest season of Married At First Sight, one of the guys left his new wife at the honeymoon after telling her she was too insecure and not confident, as she’d just openly shared her insecurities about her body image with him. The woman had more of a curvy figure, I thought she looked beautiful at her wedding. The guy apparently had previously been very overweight and had lost a lot of it before the show. That’s where it all made sense to me. He was so freakin insecure about himself, and he literally threw it all on her as if she were the problem. I wanted to throw a cushion at the tv it made me so mad. How dare he bring such a beautiful, confident, vivacious woman down because of how he felt on the inside. So wrong.
If anyone ever tells you that you’re too much of anything, whether that be too quiet, too loud, too skinny, too fat… they are simply projecting their own insecurities onto you to make themselves feel better. It has nothing to do with who you are as a person. It’s not worth it whatsoever to allow a statement like that into your personal space. You know who you are, the people closest to you know who you are. The words of a random person in your life or someone you’ve just met should have zero impact on your thoughts and mind.
Don’t ever let them get to you.